Johnny Carson

If variety is the spice of life marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president and anyone who doesnt grow up can be vice president.

If life was fair Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.