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Funny Quotes

If you have

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If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

Funny SMS Jokes

— Scott Adams
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Will Rogers

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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Funny Quotes About Life

— Will Rogers
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People

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— Rosie Fitt

People are like cakes, sometimes the ones that look the sweetest and most delicious are the ones that are the most disappointing, whilst a pleasant surprise comes from a plainer exterior with a scrummy filling......... >>>Read more

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The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still needs mowing.

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The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still needs mowing.

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Organized crime in America

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Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

— Woody Allen
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Every man wants a

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Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side his nobler instincts and his higher nature - and another woman to help him forget them.

— Helen Rowland
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What if everything is

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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

— Woody Allen
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An archaeologist is the

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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

— Agatha Christie
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When I was in

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When I was in school I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

— Woody Allen
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